Rabbit Run


I don’t understand why people run marathons. I have runner friends competing in everything from 5ks up through the real thing. (Bloggers, too.) I always tell them “Great job” when they share successes. I understand that this is a difficult goal they have set for themselves. I recognize that physical achievement is lauded in our society and that some people get an endorphin high from cardiovascular exercise.

But I’m really thinking, “Wait. The original marathon runner delivered his news and dropped dead.” Why do we want to repeat this? Why is doing so a feat of excellence?

I have walked in a couple of 5ks in pursuit of physical fitness. I consider them hot, miserable affairs that leave me dehydrated and sore. Weight loss is the only possible benefit. And I have to do cardio work to get ready for even those. I do not get an endorphin high off of exercise at all. For the most part, exercise actually makes me more angry, and I’m apt to snark Scott’s head off for an hour or more after a supposedly good workout. I force myself to do it, since I do believe I can increase my lifespan by improving my health. But running? Really? I have tried to run a couple of times in recent history, and the results were nausea from my hot feet, along with sore knees from jouncing along on my own weight. I hate running more than walking, because I wind up gasping for air sooner and it makes all my floppy bits jiggle extra flappily.

And all of this is relevant because The Bitch wants us to run a 5k. Not walk it. Run it. Why? My body doesn’t need dancer’s curves. I haven’t got a secret desire to stand on a podium holding up a medal. (And it’s a good thing, because even The Bitch admits we’d be starting near the back of the pack and finishing dead last.) There is no logic at all to this impulse, but she’s been yammering about it for weeks now.

The only purpose I can see to running a 5k is to demonstrate your physical prowess while building yourself up to suffer more. (Or possibly to skitter, in Updikean fashion, away from a problem.) But the bitch wants a piece of the action, and sooner or later, she’s going to get demanding. I hope she lets me wait until the first of next year to start training.

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Red Writing HoodThis post was composed in response to the Write on Edge Red Writing Hood:Athleticism prompt. Please post comments and discouragement below. If you must encourage her, I probably need to know about good shoes, knee braces, and plus sized sports bras (G cup).

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Dare to Share at The Lightning Bug

Thanks to the readers who found me on The Lightning Bug's weekend linkup

If you’re getting here from The Lightning Bug’s Dare to Share weekend, here’s a note. While this is my most-commented-on post to date, I feel like that’s really because I’ve just figured out the art of blog sharing, and this is one of the first ones I’ve written in response to a prompt and shared with the blogging (and blog-hopping) community. Before this, my most commented on post was this one: Dawn. I wasn’t sure which one to link to. And I never feel like I’m following any given set of instructions quite right. So this is my way of linking to both. Cheers, and thanks for stopping by.

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17 thoughts on “Rabbit Run

  1. This is a great piece. No-nonsense, candid and in-your-face.
    It makes me think of something my hubby always says, I didn’t buy a car to run 10 or 20km from point A to point B. If I want to go there, I’ll jump in my car and drive. Well, each to his own, I suppose…
    Thanks for popping in and leaving a comment at my blog.

  2. I’ve run the Peachtree Road Race in Atlanta, Ga 4 times. There are pictures from the past 2 Julys on my blog.

    Running is like college or the military. It takes a lot of discipline and sacrifice and some poeple either love it or hate it. There’s no shame in hating it.

    Thanks for the brutal honesty…good post…thanks for my blog comment too

  3. The bitch in my head is telling me I need to get a tattoo. I wonder if that is on par, pain wise with running a marathon? Where do they come up with these ideas anyway? Maybe your bitch, and mine could go get a cup of coffee and leave us alone for awhile.

    But if training for a marathon appears to be unavoidable-go slow and take care of yourself:)

  4. Fantastic! I wrote about running too – from the POV of a fictional character who LOVES TO RUN, but I have another character that doesn’t buy in too much. Your post is awesome! It made me laugh because I have one character in my head cheering on all of the wonders of running and another who would be printing this post out to distribute to far and wide 🙂

    The line that made me laugh out loud was :

    But I’m really thinking, “Wait. The original marathon runner delivered his news and dropped dead.” Why do we want to repeat this? Why is doing so a feat of excellence?

    Perfect. So, so perfect.

    • I got a huge kick out of your runner loved running. And I absolutely love that you have two characters who feel exactly the opposite about it. Most of all, I’m glad it made you laugh out loud.

  5. “But I’m really thinking, “Wait. The original marathon runner delivered his news and dropped dead.” Why do we want to repeat this? Why is doing so a feat of excellence?” – I loved this! 🙂

  6. I wrote a post once about why I run (not for this prompt, wrote it months ago), don’t know how successful I was at explaining it. Running is kind of crazy. I only was able to get that kind of perspective because of a time when injury meant I COULDN’T run. I bitched and moaned about running a lot so I was blown away by the depth of my devastation about not being able to run.

    So I say, give in to the Bitch and give it a shot. Of course, if you drop dead after a 5K, please don’t sue me. Couch to 5K program helped me work up to running that distance.

    Even though I am one of those runner people, I am totally with you on the marathon distance. It is insane. I know plenty of people do it without dropping dead, but I’m not going to chance it. The most I’ve ever done is a half marathon and that was plenty. A full marathon isn’t on my bucket (HA!) list.

    Great post! Here from Lightning Bug.

  7. Nah, if I drop dead after 5K, it’s The Bitch who is going down. Thanks for the heads up on a good program, because she’s got me shopping for running shoes this weekend.

    And, on another note, whenever I hear “bucket list” I want to dance around and sing “Da Wabbit Kicked Da Bucket” Elmer Fudd style!

For the love of Mike, TALK to me! (Concrit welcome on fiction)

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