Bra Wars

It’s not like I enjoy wearing a bra. I refused to put one on until sixth grade when my PE teacher complained to the principal that he could see my boobs jiggling when I ran. They were that big. And he was that much of a stunted perv. (Stunted because he was horrified; perv because he was looking.) So the school made me wear a bra back when I was only a B cup. (And a B cup at age 12 is something noteworthy, I guess.).

For reasons I won’t go into here, I can’t wear one with underwires. That means that even now that I’ve been conditioned into feeling naked when my boobs are flopping along near my midriff, I get almost no support from what I do put on. Maybe they make them that work for people of my dimensions. But I haven’t found one yet. And I’m not looking that hard, because I’ve found a brand that offers a reasonable balance between comfort and support. They’ve even come down in price recently so I don’t have to pawn out my children anymore to buy one.

That said, I own a sufficient number of bras that I shouldn’t ever lose them all. Even if I can’t find a particular one at any given time, I ought to be able to grab a bra whenever I need one. But I can’t. It’s a given that if I want to go somewhere, I can’t lay hands on even one upper body foundation garment.

I’m sure it’s Freudian. I hate my bras. I don’t really want to find one. They’re scratchy in one place and pinchy in another, and as soon as I put one on, my breasts beg for release.  “Comfort” is a relative term. But, aside from the ‘people are staring’ issue, the over-the-shoulder-boulder-holders do help distribute the weight, so that I’m breaking my shoulders, neck, AND back, not just my back alone, with my G cups.

While I have reached a point in my life where I own six or so that fit, I still yearn to find the perfect blend of price, comfort, and yes beauty. There, I said it. I want cute bras. I cannot find adorable bras in my size at all. Even the ones with a little lace are pretty industrial grade.

It goes without saying that I’m planning surgery. I’m only twenty pounds from my goal weight, and then my missiles are going back to the factory. And when I’m back to a perfectly normal C cup, I plan to buy Wal-Mart out of cheap, flowery, pastel, soft cotton braces. I’ll also raid the naughty section for matched sets of bright red, hot pink, lacy, gauzy, tawdry undergarments. When my bosom is less luxurious, I’ll be able to wear my bras strapless and banded. I’ll have sports bras and formal bras, casual bras for around the house, sleeping bras for going to bed, and I might even branch out into pasties. (Well, no. I won’t go that far. I’m not into taping sensitive skin.)

I know that women with small breasts yearn for large ones and vice versa, but my boobs and I are at war. Within the next year, I’m going down in size. And then, I know, I will find the perfect bra.


I’m linking this post up with the folks at Story Dam who asked for a story of under 600 words that fits with the theme of “Where is it”, in which a character has lost something important.


12 thoughts on “Bra Wars

  1. Mine have, um, grown as I’ve aged. I never wanted them to be any bigger than the flatness they were in my teens and early twenties, when I struggled to fill a B cup and now *almost* pop out of a C. How did that HAPPEN?

  2. Ugh. Bras. I’ve never found one I like. Ever. When you go on your shopping spree, if you find one that lifts I-had-two-babies-boobs to pre-baby height, and actually keeps them there for an entire day, let me know. I’ll buy a million of them.

    • Sadly, I won’t know the difference. My boobs are now at their pre-I-had-two-babies size. And sag. Which is to say that they don’t actually hang UNDER the belly button any longer or push out my arms when I’m typing. However, if I find any that work the way I want, I’ll be posting lingerie pictures, stretch marks and all!

  3. I liked this- it was light and funny!
    I actually have the opposite problem- not much on top so I could go bra less but I HATE not wearing a bra! I recently lost a lot of weight which only made me smaller and left me with only two bras that kinda fit….. I do a lot of bra washing these days.

  4. Mine have become ginormous since I got older… I’d donate too. Happily.

    I did find some that didn’t look like horrible reinforced protective (from whom?) undergarments here: They were INCREDIBLY helpful and even took back a bra and pants I’d WORN as I’d been fitted and the bra didn’t fit (the underwire rubbed me raw). Anyway, I appreciate that they’re in London but maybe you have something similar in the US?

  5. I hope once you ‘lose’ your G’s and find your C’s that you really do have so many that you never have to worry about losing one again. I often lose mine, not because I only have one…I have a ton, but I only have a few that I enjoy wearing for more than a couple of hours, and those are always the ones I can never find.

    Good luck with your surgery and I hope you continue to join us over at Story Dam 😉

  6. Everyone in my family has big boobs except me — I had big boobs while I was pregnant and a few months after twice. But all the filling just disappeared. I have the empty remnants of big boobs. And no one makes bras for those. I do the onesie-squeeze-it-all-in-there thing. They’re expensive and they’re BOTH in the wash whenever I have somewhere important to be.

    • Yes! The only people who get decent bras are the C cups. Some B and D cups. Manufacturers basically don’t ask cup size, they ask band size, so they can advertize 36 C, 38 C, ….. and oh, it’s kind of hard to get big and small band sizes, too. I think I’ll just make my own.

For the love of Mike, TALK to me! (Concrit welcome on fiction)

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